A short chaotic rambling of the heart!


Isn’t it amazing what can happen in a matter of days, minutes, seconds? He can fall out of love just as quickly as it began, and not want to break your heart, but do it anyway. Only cause she’s there in that moment. She’s there with open arms, and a tattered heart. He just wants to help her, to take away her pain, but not realizing his efforts accompany another heartache. It’s too late now. He helped one, and broke the other. Then he becomes aware of what he’s done, and begins the battle. A battle of whether or not he should tell you, for if he does, he’d be bound by the guilt of your heartbreak. What he doesn’t know is that you know. There are eyes everywhere, you knew the second he forgot, and gave in. When he decides not to tell you, he thinks he’s safe, for only a brief second. He’s fine, you are fine, but that’s only what he thinks. You wait patiently for his lies. His guilt of her, and you, and her, and you. The battle continues. She disappears, for she was only using him, she was jealous of what you had, and wanted desperately to disconnect you two. So now what are you going to do? Let him continue his battle of guilt, and go on loving you? You are finally content with your past, and then moments of weakness crawl back into the unforgotten heartache that you two share. You want to go on blind, let him love you like you want to be loved. He wants to love you like that too, but he also wants to stop the battle of guilt of his mistake. It’s not a mistake, he forgot, and gave in, but you know that already.

     You can see nothing but the years passing by, and you know that life is waiting just around the corner, but you still choose to go on blinded by the lies, blinded by your love of him, or lack there of. Can you move on without seeing through to his soul. The crimson blood of lies accompanied by the heartache of just that one second when he forgot. You were smart enough to know not to depend on anyone for anything, but still you want to depend on him for the love, for the lust, for the physical treat that he so ample gave away to another at one point, after he pledged his life to you. Sometimes you can’t take the fact that you know, but then he does something commercial, like flowers, or tender kisses, and you allow your heart to melt. To melt back to before he forgot. How long can this last? In the second after he forgot, your heart broke, but you glued it back together quickly so he wouldn’t see it. Let him be blinded. Your story is like so many others. He gave in, you gave in. Is this compromise? You both have had trouble sleeping, tossing and turning, skin touching. You see him, he sees the both of you. Something is missing. You are not sure what that is. You know what it is, but you don’t want to admit it. You are wrong. He loves you, but forgot in that brief second, trying to help another. Forever is never enough. He was wrong. You are wrong. The battle continues.

     He’s the best you’ve ever had. He treats you well when he’s not off forgetting what you wished he’d never forgotten. Nothing’s quite the same. Never will be. It’s not so bad, you both are blinded, with hope that this stumble will make you stronger, and in the end you will be holding hands in the promise land. What is the promise land anyway? Is there such a place? You make yourself feel better, hoping that he won’t see what he’s done to you, what you’ve allowed him to do to you. The elaborate lies of deception and heartache. Your memories of before, have taken you back into the life of what could have been, if only he hadn’t forgotten. Now you are again living in the past, putting on a brave front. Holding on to the warmth of what was. But you both will move through blinded, and broken. Silently he prepares to love on you constantly, and silently you want him to, but you think he thinks of another. The heat is unbearable sometimes, but that’s just the physical, and has nothing to do with the love of what you had before you allowed him to forget.  If your heart isn’t ready to lay down with his, then there is no forever. You hope that your blinded love is enough to make it through. His battle continues as the years pass by, and this is your battle!